The lokpal bill.. Life before n after it

For days the channels were covering Anna hazare and the nation's fight against corruption.. It was really great to see everyone supporting he cause.. Everyone has been in one way or the other affected by corruption.. I was and have.. It was really late in my life though.. Thanks to 'NOC' all the Pune'ites would know what I am talking about.. Anyways a 100 ruppee note would let me off!! I used to get loose with just rs. 100/- for what?? For not payin the taxes for using the state's infrastructure!!! Now there are 2 ways to looking at this .. And before I start let me just clarify that I am not trying justify my act here I am just putting a different perspective out there to view.. So many of us have been caught using mobile phones while driving.. Breaking one way.. For parking in no-parking.. And some of u for drinking and driving and all of us have tired to get out of by paying the cops.. Now is that a real threat to the society?? Drinking and driving yes, it is even if you pay or don't pay.. The first time it struck me, a simple question, what and who are we fighting against here?? Is it against the hawaldar, who earns probably less that what many of us spend on pastas and macaronni a month.. Who let's you off for a mere 100 bucks.. Or is it that the guy who eats into the taxes we pay and tolls that we pay and those on whom we put our trust during election?? Yeah I know the obvious answer here.. I am in no way justifying the hawaldar here but I guess when u know the road tax you pay for letting you drive a kerala registration vehicle here in Maharashtra doesn't actually go into makin the roads better.. Please it doesn't just drive from Marol to chakala you will have back massaged by the seat back a hundred times if not more.. So we may also feel that if you let this go by just bribing the cop and getting away with it?? It is definitely the easiest way to resolve the situation.. Precisely the reason why we chose what we did in the first place.. The sad or harsh part of that will be that this too got to end if we need to bring about the change everyone in ramleela maidan and all those including me supports and thrived for and lastly the man 'Anna' starved for.. It always comes down to choice of the individual and it was here we lost to temptation and succumbed to the pressure and bribed.. Tomorrow these situations will again act up and force us to at least look the other way or turn a blind eye.. But something we should not forget is the choice that we have to do the right thing and like those grandma stories we heard when we were children which always had an underlying moral - 'the right path will always be hard but rewarding and the wrong path will always try to lure you in but the end is fatal..' may be I will have to go all the way to Bombay court or appear before the RTO, may be I will have to waste a galon of petrol driving all the way.. But I will not pay the hawaldar.. Now that brings me back to the tricky situation!! Salary of these govt. Servants is it even compensating for the inflation?? Is it enough for their children's education?? Now is it wrong if you look at it this way?? We might suggest pay hike will it make them happy, actually not! Like we all know where the law of marginal utility fails? Money is never enough for anyone.. So it again boils down to 'choice' but this time it is the govt. servant's choice.. We can force him to take that right choice or we can wait for him to take that right choice.. Just like Anna waited for congress to take the right decision when it was running like a head less zombie trying to scare us but was actually making us laugh at that sight. It's just my take.. And I have made my choice.. Have you??

Why?

I would probably not know why?
I would never know why?
But why?
The sun still sets in the west
And everyone still enjoys the sun set!
Kids still enjoy the rain
Elders still feel it's a pain
My dad still feels he's young
My mom still convinces him otherwise
When everything else is the same
Why isn't my life just the same?
Why does my sun never rise?
Why is there no sun set to enjoy?
Because life is asleep and cannot hear me knocking on it's door!
I'm shouting out loud!! Somebody... Life... open the door.. Please let me in.. Outside I am just alone .. So lonely and sleepless with my eyes wandering in search of the knob which is moving away like the horizon!
Why? God damn it! Why?

Airport my favorite blogspot!

I am sitting here in one of the worst airports in India... Any guesses?? Chennai bingo! Whoosh the a/c doesn't work and the place god damn crowded! And to add to that everyone around seems to be comfortable with the heat and the crowd! I am not being those pseudo north Indians who hate south (i am a proud mallu myself) and seem to ridicule the accent as if they speak 'propar' British English! Anyways touchy issue! All have their justifications to hate whoever that they hate!! For example my roomie stopped having anything south Indian just because he hated our engg. College which was  unluckily in south that he never had sambhar or anything south! Though his room mate (me) was a south Indian! And all his gr8 buddies were from that very college! Never understood his logic! Anyways he had his reasons! Today I was hating chennai for my own reasons I hate 'heat' and an airport that too an international airport should have the basic amenities like air conditioning! Oh wait there is a fan!! I am shifting towards that seat!!
But I am amazed that an international airport doesn't take Care of such small but important aspects! And that too at the departure lounge when this might be the last and lasting impression he/she may be carrying home! I have always believed the other person takes away exactly what u want him to take away in terms of impression which you may portray through your interaction! What you posture is what they take away! So I guess it's largely our fault for what others think of you! Wait all the rebels before u say ' I don't care what others think'
Hold they have announced the boarding! Oh! Badly need a cold drink! Shucks! There is no good joints in the airport from where I can buy a good cold coffee or a tropicana mixed fruit tetra! Anyways saving it on my evernote! Will be back blogging on the flight!
I am in the flight now!! Gr8 I have got a seat close to exit! I usually prefer the emergency aisle reclining seat! But very rarely do it get it! When I travel the low cost I can buy it.. I guess it's totally worth paying little more than get cramped up for space! 
By the way I didn't get what I approached the snack bar at the airport for! Why cos of two reasons.. One completely my fault.. I never learn from my previous experiences! I didn't have cash!! Not even a mere 150 bucks! (had only a 100rs) but these outlets don't have credit cards! What will today's credit run economy do??? Probably one reason why india still ain't effected by the economic downturn!
Oh they wil ask me to turn off my electronic device! How many times should I tell em it's not battery operated it's my freaking stamina n flesh!! ;) but these god damn air hostesses don't seem to believe me! Poor attempt to make this funny!
Anyways switching off while take off will resume after we are airborne!
The seat belt sign is off now and I am back writing!
Coming back to the point of discussion that the world has been divided among two kind of people.. Who are social beings and who are not social beings! Now being social doesn't mean having maximum friends on social networking sites.. But being more interactive, who enjoys company of others and who always keeps his / her social status intact by acting or behaving accordingly! The second the anti-social! One who cares for crap what his society or his group or his parents or his girl friend(s) thinks about him! They are not pests please don't make that mistake in fact a true anti social is one who has reached his final stage of self realization! Because I believe self realization is something today lost in peer pressure!
Shucks what turbulence!! We are on a see-saw!! 
I feel the anti social is at peace with his inner self! And that's why he doesn't want any company! Unfortunately these days we see a thrid and most dangerous kind!! The 'anti-social wanna be' who are actually very associative in nature but just for the heck of being cool act as if they couldn't care! The easiest way to recognize these genre of people is by simply telling them 'u r not a rebel, u ain't that cool' immediate response will be to freaking try and impress or show or comment otherwise! Sadly the whole don't care attitude goes down the drain! This category is due to probably the larger acceptance of the 'anti-social' and also the tag of being cool! and also the fact that the opposite sex is attracted more!! I was probably dumped for the same reason (I am epitome of being social one more reason why I blog) actually still searching for the reason! Anyways all these aspects today is adding to the increasing number of pseudo anti social! another simple test to find out the pseudo is by asking his fb or twitter account.. Phatak.. there u have it!
I am not here to judge or announce my winner! I am a social person I like to be liked by people and my success would probably be to get an anti-social to like me! 'Like me' would be to like my company at least! And an anti social is the self realization I have been striving for!! And I guess all I will say  is that this is just different stages in everyone's life and we all will transit through these destinations as well!

PS: keeping the same title with which I started though have digressed from it!

On board with a pretty girl

How many times have I cribbed after boarding a flight that my co passenger is not a good looking babe! Forget the luck has been so bad that I rarely get a women in my adjacent seat! Old fat asses would accompany me through my looooooooooooooong journey! At times when I sit next to an empty seat I always wish that 'god at least this time help me with my luck and if u do I will always be indebted to you and I will definitely strike a conversation with her!' but my luck has been such it never happened! Sometimes to rub it in god would send a beautiful girl along the aisle looking at the empty seat next to me.. But go sit somewhere else!! I console my self saying she also wanted to sit next to me that's a start!! So these I have assumed my sad fate!!
Today also like always it started with a beautiful girl sitting about the same row as mine so as usual with the aisle seat next to her being empty I was pleasantly surprised at my luck but as I approached close to my row I realized naaah the usual story! Sat down in my seat with the middle seat empty my hopes had not died as yet! And again as usual a pretty girl walking down the aisle ( that phrase sounded cliche') anyways she walked down towards me ( sounds exciting ha hahaha) looking at the empty seat next to me! But with the start that I got today I was preparing myself to the usual story! I was meanwhile talking to my mom but the attention slowly shifted its focus to the pretty girl this time the look was to tell me 'that's my seat' the seat next to me! Finally the sun started shunning brightly!! From that point onwards I have till now (1 hr into the journey) rehearsed a 100 different conversation starters but nope my guts was no where to be seen it just shrunk itself and hid himself somewhere! May be it's cos I have lost touch 3.5 years in a relationship probably will get your flirting (harmless) skills rusted! So I guess it will need some more rehearsing before I indulge into this may be or else will crash n burn! To add to the excitement she is from the airline industry! Couldn't help but notice kingfisher ID tag inside her purse! Didn't peep it just struck my eyes that's all! 
Airline industry is one which will have the beauty and hospitality!! Very polite and courteous, at least to customers so might not slap me if i start a conversation! Anyways all this depends on if she is awake the sad part by the time I wrote this I thought I had rediscovered my guts and turned to look she was sleeping comfortably! Now can't wake her up to talk she will just be too irritated to talk won't help! 
By the way it's interesting to know what will I talk and where do I expect this to lead!! Since she is also traveling to chennai probably could ask her for a coffee in the evening?? Ah Wat say? Suddenly I got an idea.. Why don't I ask her to read this blog?? She could read it and just place the phone back on my tray! Shucks she could also throw it! Too big a gamble to take with ur iPhone my dear! Dekha fattu! Why don't you accept that u have lost it! Atmost what will happen? She will have A laugh at this probably share it with her boyfriend to get him irritated, discuss with her other airline crew friends ( woo hoo) but yeah I would have created an impression, probably of a desperate guy! Anyways I will post this on my blog as soon as I land.. All those who read my blog can also have a laugh! Freak I am talkin as if I have bloody a zillion readers on my blog! Anyways she got up .. Yes I can do it!!
Shucks its about to land guts please come back!

Black or White .. and now grey???

“Karm kar phal ki echha mat kar….”

That is taken from a dialogue from one of my favourite movies.. ‘Taal’.. but I believe it is a stanza from bhagavat gita..

A level of selflessness achieved when somebody actually doesn’t expect anything in return for his deeds is beyond my comprehension most of the times. Sometimes I feel all my actions, I always expect something favourable for me. In fact every time I do something I expect something in return. Be it extending help or be it emotional support or financial help or professional help. And mostly the fact remains that I don’t end up the getting what I expect sometimes it turns out to be more dreadful than fruitful. Is this a cheap side of me? Sometimes I do wonder, I am not what I perceive myself to be.. an ideal human being.. be it concealing truth.. to twisting the truth.. to interpret the truth the way I want.. all these are also exemplified colour ‘black’ though I always chose to believe lying is black.. rest is white! And everything in life is either black or white.. in other words right or wrong.. ! someone ‘once’ very close always used to point out this to me and said there are more shades in life.. grey being one.. never listened to her today when I comprehend the same she isn’t here to say ‘o-la’.

When you do a good deed hoping to have / get something in return isn’t it a shade of grey..

White : doing a ‘good’ deed

Black : expecting a  return

Grey : what you get when mix the both..

Sometimes I wonder, just like now, what’s wrong or black in expecting something in return.. is it just me who expects something in return when I do something? I dunno.. today was one of those days where I thought I did something very few would do or respond to. But immediately a thought did cross my brain ‘how will I leverage this moment?’.. did I just undo all the good.. did I just ruin it all?

Every person, I believe is made of that one core principle in life about life. The one belief that defines her / him.. what happens when that one belief is shattered.. like the foundation of the 100 storey building just blown up. How long will the building stand or will it soon dust the ground??

Whole essence of being a human is the capability to improvise, learn and adapt and change. What would be the difference between me and my computer here if we both work in binary codes.. 1-0 (black or white). My life, today stood in that juncture where everything that is facing my back was sinking in quick sand. And what’s in front was not in focus.. and what’s in me struggling to fend off the anti bodies! What was pumping the fresh blood yesterday has become a large chunk of cancer eating me up and sucking on my blood. I need my chemo.. I need my support.. I need my ventilator.. I need to breath that fresh burst of life again.. this time though only with a new heart and a new mind that will not crumble in the near future..

Btw in my defense.. most times all that I expect in return is probably a thank you or a hug or a smile or that pat on the back.. its not black after all..

Perception!!!

Is perception the basis of every thought or every decision that we take? In fact the question that troubling me is which precedes which?? Perception and thought..? Does thought lead to a perception or perception leads to a thought? Is this what they call catch 22?? Today has been one of those days in office with no work what so ever. So it’s an idle mind.. or is it a free mind?? That is another question that is lingering in my head today.

Rather than digressing lets come back to the point of perception and thought. Let me split the two and observe it independently.

Thought: what is a thought? ‘a’ in front of the word thought would make it singular in English language. But is it actually singular?? Can there be a single thought? Definitely not in my head! I believe thought is a string of occurrences in your mind and the funny part is each occurrence can be a thought on its own. So can thought be singular? Yesterday a fellow blogger (I dunno why I refer to her as a fellow blogger.. J don’t know) anyways.. wait see the thought inside a thought.. coming back.. mentioned (may be I assume, was mentioned) meditation is to free the mind and concentrate on a single thought now two aspects are in contention here – free the mind and single thought whoof.. very difficult! I am sure I can never meditate if this is what meditation is all about.

Free mind is also instrumental in the creation of a perception or the act that follows. The assumption here is that creation of the perception precedes the action which can also be debated! But that we will take up later. The perception created, initial perception, should be created with a free mind. Now here the free mind is relative, as there is no thought or occurrences preceding the creation of the perception, cause it’s like a virgin who doesn’t know what to expect from the event that will change her life forever. I should write a virgin ‘tribal’ girl.. these days everyone else seems to already have perceptions..(:p) anyways coming back to perception.. every other instance after the perception is made the mind is not free and is probably cluttered with perceptions from earlier encounters of the situation / interaction. Here I guess the perception precedes the thought and therefore forms the basis.

The interesting thought (too many ‘thoughts’ n ‘perceptions’ in this blog) here is the fact that perception is dynamic and keeps changing and here the action or the encounter precedes the perception. (am I writing just for the heck of writing? Cos what I wrote everyone knows) but what people don’t know is that the concept of free mind and its impact on all our actions (who am I to say people don’t know??) anyways.. I am reminded of a scene from matrix..  neo wants to jump of a building to the next one.. and Morpheus tells him to just free his mind.. while narrating that scene.. it struck me.. that probably he meant ‘free your mind’ from the thought of not making it.. not just simply free your mind which is quite unreasonable.. or probably it is free your mind from making the judgment that he can’t make the jump?? It is that inhibition that one needs to let go.. probably that’s when you have ‘freed’ your mind! (this is inspired from a very recent conversation I had with my fellow blogger). Humans tend to have different options or means to free their mind.. its is important for me to realize my means be it any thing.. from penning down whatever that comes to my mind, composing a rhyme, watching your favourite movie, or even shouting out loud or destroying something or doing something which you also thought was wrong.. cos like it is said in bhagvat gita.. the end justifies the means.. the free mind is worth all  this pain and effort!

This will probably the most disconnected blog I have ever written (As if I have written a zillion blogs) but definitely this is just 10% of the mess that’s cluttered in my head right now.. feel better though..