We have moved in to a phase a phase where not being in an extra marital affair and not indulging into a one night stand is the 'not so common thing' Life has moved on to a stage where these have become the in thing!..
While I grew up to a full grown dumb ass.. Sitting and looking at a women and wondering of she could be good in bed or not? (Wrong timing when the whole country is boiling against these 'object of desire' statements) I am just being honest! I 'have' done this in the past.. Not now there was a time, a phase I regret but yes I have looked at women as objects of desire and have no justifications for doing so.. But when I had time to introspect I realized where I was heading to..
A time when I would not shy away from looking at her face.. A time when the way she talked... the way she interacted with others.. her face.. her hair style.. her voice.. The language she spoke.. the movies she watched.. the songs she listened.. Those where the things that mattered..
With the help of a common friend who makes you stand in a way where she is in the background! Click! you have a photo with her! Life was simple and nice and innocent.. And when she said yes all that you thought was to sing and dance with her like in the songs of your favourite movie back then [alaipayuthey - saathiya's original Tamil].
Then time went by. A change in mindset.. Suddenly what she wears.. Whether her arms were waxed or not.. Is she slim or not? Is she cool to hang out or not and whether she will sit on the bike with you or not? Suddenly it didn't matter how her face looked. Nor did which songs she listened to nor did the movies she watched.. And this time when she said yes it was more of 'will she let me hug her?.. Can I kiss her?.. I was not a pervert I guess something's was still nice! But yeah the physical quotient started playing more prominence.
Graduating to a phase that was driven by urges.. urges that qualify as animal instincts.. where heat wasn't generated by the electrifying looks but from the friction! a point of losing all inhibitions that held you together were now broken.. and suddenly it doesn't feel bad to rattle the bed anymore..
that transcended to phase when the unthinkable happens a phase when women become just objects of desire.. Sitting in a mall a pretty lady walks by and the thought if she will be good in bed invariably crossed the mind! A regretful phase..
Then suddenly you realize the fake & skin deep self that you molded yourself into, a self which was feeling comfortable behind this illusion phrased as 'being cool or being modern' was after all an illusion in the literal sense. You realize it when you couldn't speak up with courage the true feeling when you had.. Worried if it would sound as desperation since desperate you were for something meaningful.. The lack of confidence and lack of soul lead you to drown her in depths of the sea and leaving you was stranded alone on the shores of misery! That's when you realize the down road you had taken.. And you had to get out of it.. I did.. At least the conscious is clear now!
Days went by and long way ahead in the path of recovery, there I was reminiscing the glimpses of true love I once experienced. Looking back i realized feeling alive was the ultimate thing and back then it could have been friendship, a passion that was pursued or may be even love, a love that wasn't just physical but with passion.. that urge to be there when she turns around to see.. Pick up the phone in the first ring and hope she notices that you were waiting for her call.. Give a zillion missed calls to her landline hoping that she realizes its you and picks up.. Writing poems and songs about her... Riding the bike in the busy traffic just to pick her up and drop her home, for that 15 mins together riding close to a hundred kilometers up and down on indian roads.. Getting up early in the morning and rushing through regular stuff so that you can be the one dropping her to work or temple, more importantly see her with drenched hair and smell the freshness off her while she sits behind you on the bike!or beside you in you car! this is missing..
I don't know if I can feel any of those things again.. I guess I have matured.. to a self that seizes to be me any more..
Quote - 'maturity is nothing but losing your innocence!'
While I grew up to a full grown dumb ass.. Sitting and looking at a women and wondering of she could be good in bed or not? (Wrong timing when the whole country is boiling against these 'object of desire' statements) I am just being honest! I 'have' done this in the past.. Not now there was a time, a phase I regret but yes I have looked at women as objects of desire and have no justifications for doing so.. But when I had time to introspect I realized where I was heading to..
A time when I would not shy away from looking at her face.. A time when the way she talked... the way she interacted with others.. her face.. her hair style.. her voice.. The language she spoke.. the movies she watched.. the songs she listened.. Those where the things that mattered..
With the help of a common friend who makes you stand in a way where she is in the background! Click! you have a photo with her! Life was simple and nice and innocent.. And when she said yes all that you thought was to sing and dance with her like in the songs of your favourite movie back then [alaipayuthey - saathiya's original Tamil].
Then time went by. A change in mindset.. Suddenly what she wears.. Whether her arms were waxed or not.. Is she slim or not? Is she cool to hang out or not and whether she will sit on the bike with you or not? Suddenly it didn't matter how her face looked. Nor did which songs she listened to nor did the movies she watched.. And this time when she said yes it was more of 'will she let me hug her?.. Can I kiss her?.. I was not a pervert I guess something's was still nice! But yeah the physical quotient started playing more prominence.
Graduating to a phase that was driven by urges.. urges that qualify as animal instincts.. where heat wasn't generated by the electrifying looks but from the friction! a point of losing all inhibitions that held you together were now broken.. and suddenly it doesn't feel bad to rattle the bed anymore..
that transcended to phase when the unthinkable happens a phase when women become just objects of desire.. Sitting in a mall a pretty lady walks by and the thought if she will be good in bed invariably crossed the mind! A regretful phase..
Then suddenly you realize the fake & skin deep self that you molded yourself into, a self which was feeling comfortable behind this illusion phrased as 'being cool or being modern' was after all an illusion in the literal sense. You realize it when you couldn't speak up with courage the true feeling when you had.. Worried if it would sound as desperation since desperate you were for something meaningful.. The lack of confidence and lack of soul lead you to drown her in depths of the sea and leaving you was stranded alone on the shores of misery! That's when you realize the down road you had taken.. And you had to get out of it.. I did.. At least the conscious is clear now!
Days went by and long way ahead in the path of recovery, there I was reminiscing the glimpses of true love I once experienced. Looking back i realized feeling alive was the ultimate thing and back then it could have been friendship, a passion that was pursued or may be even love, a love that wasn't just physical but with passion.. that urge to be there when she turns around to see.. Pick up the phone in the first ring and hope she notices that you were waiting for her call.. Give a zillion missed calls to her landline hoping that she realizes its you and picks up.. Writing poems and songs about her... Riding the bike in the busy traffic just to pick her up and drop her home, for that 15 mins together riding close to a hundred kilometers up and down on indian roads.. Getting up early in the morning and rushing through regular stuff so that you can be the one dropping her to work or temple, more importantly see her with drenched hair and smell the freshness off her while she sits behind you on the bike!or beside you in you car! this is missing..
I don't know if I can feel any of those things again.. I guess I have matured.. to a self that seizes to be me any more..
Quote - 'maturity is nothing but losing your innocence!'
Nice :). Another tangent - You were what I would coin the Shammi Kapoor of real life. Giving life to the eternal romantic.
ReplyDeleteDo you believe that the eternal romantic in you has died? Just curious.
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