Selflessly selfish

Years back when great leaders fought for independence.. Women emancipation.. To remove racism and to remove slavery.. Our forefathers looked up to them and 'hero'fied them.. We learned about them in our history textbook.. When we looked up to our teachers when they said these men/ women were heroes and they fought for selfless causes.. I admired them.. They did influence me a lot during my forming years and helped me cultivate strong characteristics of servicing a purpose and living a cause.. And I for long thought I am too very selfless and great ;) but after quite a few really hectic and fun weekends this last Sunday I had a long time to myself whileing away time lying on my bed.. Trying to answer a question pricking me for long.. Who am I?? What am I?? And the same old question whether. I am shades of grey or black or white.. I asked myself a question why I do what I do?? Work excites me.. I travel a lot (domestic) prefer that too.. Interact with top shots gives my ego a boost.. And yeah it does help me meet my ends.. So it revolves around 'i' so pretty clear I am not here to do charity.. Then I questioned why I participate in save the children so actively?? Why whenever I return from a party my conscious pricks when I see a small child at traffic signals and wonder if I had not spent the money unnecessarily on food and drinks and music.. I bribe my conscious by giving these kids 10 or 20 bucks most of the times not even 1% of what I wasted.. But yeah to supress my guilt I guess it is sufficient.. These aspects made me wonder it boils down to 'I' and that selfish feeling or personal satisfaction that drives every individual to do what they do.. Be it putting a smile on a helpless child or saving a girl child's life or bringing food to hungry or building a home to a homeless family.. Or feeding your family or giving your child what you never got or giving your family the comfortable life and living a stylish life or having a personality or lifestyle that turns any heads with admiration.. All boils down to that personal satisfaction we all long for.. It is what I proudly coin as 'selflessly selfish'..