An attempt..

The question is why is there an urge in me to write something? Why do I keep attempting to write and crush the paper afterwards, rather I should say delete the file afterwards as computer has saved a lot of trees!! But this attempt is different I just feel this is going to be the one I might put up on the blog!! BTW if you type in and post it later is it still considered blogging???

I do have my favourite pass time (recently acquired) tempting me to leave this midway and go.. Lately have been watching scrubs and also playing virtua tennis on the comp. But today somehow don’t want to let it go. Surprising part is, I don’t want to write a poem today, nor do I want to write to make some difference. Today its just ‘write’ whatever that comes to mind. Actually inspired by a fellow blogger, she lets her mind loose in most of her blogs and therefore is very refreshing piece to read. So I just want to write today let it out, may be it will loosen me up somewhat.. so actually I am wrong I am writing to make a difference.. a difference to me.. may be in me!!!

Today I actually am going through a lot of stress relating to job change, whether or not I should , why I should ?? a lot of questions are lingering above my head?? The one which is haunting me as usual.. the one in bold italics and underlined.. ‘are you changing cause you want to run away?’ The question is actually pricking my ego… and ego is telling me ‘no it doesn’t matter I can stay here.. I have to stay here and I will stay here’ no then the conscience part of the brain tells me.. ‘your ego is ruling you, it may be a good option to change but your ego is not letting you take that option and convincing otherwise. You are not doing the right thing’ poor me.. I am freaking stuck between this crap and stretched both ways.

Apart from this lately what else has been occupying my brain space?? Rains… Mumbai rains.. its just amazing!! They just keep pouring, pouring n pouring.. reminds me of my brother’s favourite rhyme… ‘rain rain go away little sridhar wants to play..’ he used to sing it when I get upset that its raining and I can’t play cricket..i loved playing cricket.. I was good at it too but lost it somewhere in the past along with these memories. I miss it sometimes that I don’t play cricket..

Lately I have been in this retrospective mood.. rather a retrospective cum introspective state of mind.. largely because of the time I have in hand these days, work load has come down and yeah Saturdays n Sundays n weekdays its just work that can keep me busy so when work is less time is more!! There are a lot of aspects or traits which I comprehend at this moment, probably in the right sense or at least guiding towards the right sense. Where am I heading with this?? Am I thinking or observing through the right frame of mind?? I guess at times I am like now.. but at times way too off target.

I sometimes hope I close my eyes and open them… snap I am out of this fizz in my brain!! I am once again clear in my thoughts!! And I am back alive!!