Heart is a delicate organ.. both literally and metaphorically speaking.. its what decides whether you are alive or not... again literally and metaphorically speaking...
I have been fiddling with the idea of being an organ donor, my parents have already dedicated their bodies to science and while dad was talking about it I started thinking about it. its a good idea, rather than just burning it to ashes. My eyes, I will definitely donate, I am quite proud of my eyes, I very often get compliments for my eyes and whoever gets it will be really happy and and probably have a better view that what I had with it.
So coming back to my heart.. [sorry I have this really bad habit of getting lost in myself]
Heart! whoever came up with that stupid shape to depict the heart must be shot.. I mean what does it even imply? Anyway I have been really fascinated by it lately, especially when I noticed it actually aches when i feel sad.. there must be definitely a scientific explanation to the same, blushing for instance - blood pumped into your cheeks shading it pink when you feel an attraction to someone in your sights, the heart pumps it there must be a logical explanation for that, nevertheless its connected.
Why do we always feel a rise in pulse when we see the person we have feelings for? feelings??? What are they? Have you tried to put words to the feeling, that overwhelming feeling that rise in pulse rate, that feeling of something filling up your body as if your body was an empty glass and water was being filled to the brim and when it over follows that trickle down your spine.. my command over the English language handicaps me to explain further, but frankly I don't even know to explain the same in my mother tongue, so language is no barrier I guess I can't just explain. but all that feeling is it good for the delicate heart? again both literally and metaphorically speaking, is it?
Lately I have been experiencing different proportions of that feeling.. that overwhelming feeling. I very recently realized that I was fighting a losing battle, knowing from the very beginning that it will result in hurting the delicate organ.. I plunged, plunged deep.. something inside of me refrained me from doing such things for a short period of time recently.. I was someone who carried his heart on his sleeve.. honest about the feeling - no playing mind games, power games, any sort of games.. every now and then people told play it cool, I didn't do that till very recently... when I started doing it, I had changed I had become mean, remained honest, brutally honest at times and detached it worked, I realized I had this power, this attraction, I was getting attention, mind space, care... I was getting all that I wanted but still I never felt the rush.. any of that 'feeling' .. I wonder why? I never wanted to plunge, always safe guarding the heart putting it back where it belongs - deep inside my rib cage heavily guarded. And mind you it was all that I wanted a simple happy life [as if that's unique] delivered on a platter , a sure-shot victory on the cards no heart breaks but again somehow that 'feeling' nope that was not there too. .
Today I stand on the verge of losing, very badly, very miserably. I can see that, right in front of my eyes i see the failure. I can see it coming.. but I am still standing there drenched in that "feeling" knowing that being the detached, 'playing it cool' guy may win me the battle, I know it but somehow I don't feel like taking that road. is it wrong? is it right what I am doing to my delicate organ? why don't I want to win? isn't everything fair in love & war.. this is both!!!then why do I wish to carry my heart on my sleeve, throwing it around, giving no due credit to that delicate piece of mass... red muscle.. am I sadistic.. do I draw pleasure by playing to lose? am I that person with 'meenakumari complex' [people who saw matru ki bijli ka madora, would know what I am talking about and for others (unfortunately it was a flop so many would have not seen) meenkumari the actress who played characters who would invariably fuck up happy ending and turn everything into a sob story].
When I look at my self?
Why is that when I know I will win, I quit and when failure is lurking right in front of me, I go all guns blazing, to get shot right in the middle of my heart?
Is it a common phenomena? Do others do the same?
Its weird, I don't have a logical explanation.. will science have an explanation to this?
Being insensitive to the most sensitive organ in the human body.
Great!! What a dumb-ass I am!!!
I have been fiddling with the idea of being an organ donor, my parents have already dedicated their bodies to science and while dad was talking about it I started thinking about it. its a good idea, rather than just burning it to ashes. My eyes, I will definitely donate, I am quite proud of my eyes, I very often get compliments for my eyes and whoever gets it will be really happy and and probably have a better view that what I had with it.
So coming back to my heart.. [sorry I have this really bad habit of getting lost in myself]
Heart! whoever came up with that stupid shape to depict the heart must be shot.. I mean what does it even imply? Anyway I have been really fascinated by it lately, especially when I noticed it actually aches when i feel sad.. there must be definitely a scientific explanation to the same, blushing for instance - blood pumped into your cheeks shading it pink when you feel an attraction to someone in your sights, the heart pumps it there must be a logical explanation for that, nevertheless its connected.
Why do we always feel a rise in pulse when we see the person we have feelings for? feelings??? What are they? Have you tried to put words to the feeling, that overwhelming feeling that rise in pulse rate, that feeling of something filling up your body as if your body was an empty glass and water was being filled to the brim and when it over follows that trickle down your spine.. my command over the English language handicaps me to explain further, but frankly I don't even know to explain the same in my mother tongue, so language is no barrier I guess I can't just explain. but all that feeling is it good for the delicate heart? again both literally and metaphorically speaking, is it?
Lately I have been experiencing different proportions of that feeling.. that overwhelming feeling. I very recently realized that I was fighting a losing battle, knowing from the very beginning that it will result in hurting the delicate organ.. I plunged, plunged deep.. something inside of me refrained me from doing such things for a short period of time recently.. I was someone who carried his heart on his sleeve.. honest about the feeling - no playing mind games, power games, any sort of games.. every now and then people told play it cool, I didn't do that till very recently... when I started doing it, I had changed I had become mean, remained honest, brutally honest at times and detached it worked, I realized I had this power, this attraction, I was getting attention, mind space, care... I was getting all that I wanted but still I never felt the rush.. any of that 'feeling' .. I wonder why? I never wanted to plunge, always safe guarding the heart putting it back where it belongs - deep inside my rib cage heavily guarded. And mind you it was all that I wanted a simple happy life [as if that's unique] delivered on a platter , a sure-shot victory on the cards no heart breaks but again somehow that 'feeling' nope that was not there too. .
Today I stand on the verge of losing, very badly, very miserably. I can see that, right in front of my eyes i see the failure. I can see it coming.. but I am still standing there drenched in that "feeling" knowing that being the detached, 'playing it cool' guy may win me the battle, I know it but somehow I don't feel like taking that road. is it wrong? is it right what I am doing to my delicate organ? why don't I want to win? isn't everything fair in love & war.. this is both!!!then why do I wish to carry my heart on my sleeve, throwing it around, giving no due credit to that delicate piece of mass... red muscle.. am I sadistic.. do I draw pleasure by playing to lose? am I that person with 'meenakumari complex' [people who saw matru ki bijli ka madora, would know what I am talking about and for others (unfortunately it was a flop so many would have not seen) meenkumari the actress who played characters who would invariably fuck up happy ending and turn everything into a sob story].
When I look at my self?
Why is that when I know I will win, I quit and when failure is lurking right in front of me, I go all guns blazing, to get shot right in the middle of my heart?
Is it a common phenomena? Do others do the same?
Its weird, I don't have a logical explanation.. will science have an explanation to this?
Being insensitive to the most sensitive organ in the human body.
Great!! What a dumb-ass I am!!!
